So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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