I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
