her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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