You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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