We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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