I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
