Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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