Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
