i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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