***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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