dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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