If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
