Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
