Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
