Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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