I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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