She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i think i scared a bird with my dick
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
