I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
