I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I looked at my own cervix.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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