Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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