I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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