i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
