evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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