The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
sarcasm needs its own font
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
