Someone shit on the floor
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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