Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
