Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
