Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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