we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
its not stalking. its research.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
