I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
