why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
