Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
