I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
