If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Randomize
