YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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