I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
