3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I can't turn off my feet"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize