Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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