I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
