My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
