maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
