If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
