I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
