Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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