cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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