She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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