Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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