Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
