I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
