there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
