do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
is it fun? or sober?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
