Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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