He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
