I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
