Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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