please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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