In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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