she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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