Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
