It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Boobs speak an international language.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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