you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
