I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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