He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We're too hungover to prance.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
