i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
