she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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