I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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