question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize