you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
