i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
no, he came in my armpit
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
