thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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